If you’re an egalitarian, or have no sense of humor, you should not read this post
By Matt Miner
I had a garage sale on Saturday. My thoughts are written below and should be sung to the tune of Dance, Dance, Dance by The Steve Miller Band. I netted $180 after costs for 20 hours of work ($9/hr).
Slash That Price (The Matt Miner Garage Sale Band)
The first guy there was forty-five
he’s a legal assistant
from eight till five.
The next shopper arrived,
he was slim and tan,
he cruises the sales in a green Dodge van.
Well, I don’t know
but I’ve been told,
when you sell in a garage
you’d better be bold.
So come on darlin’
put your old T-shirt on,
our garage sale starts at eight.
Slash that price
Slash that price
Slash that price
For that one.
I’m a hard workin’ man,
And I’m kind of a snob,
I earn OK and I’ve got a nice job.
When I need new clothes
I go to Gap or AE,
But if you like my old shirts,
you can bargain with me.
So check my wares,
they’re priced just right,
Those old silk ties are super tight!
I’ll take the quarters, nickels and dimes
But in retrospect this was a waste of time. Still,
Slash that price
Slash that price
Slash that price
For that one.
I need change now…
Slash that price
Slash that price
Slash that price
For that one.
Now come on buyer, dontcha look that way
I’ll take your price,
All you have to say is “It’s the most I can offer,
And it’s all I can afford,
Take a look at my car
(it’s that old Ford).”
“Well, you won me over,
And you twisted my arm.
You can have it for a nickel and I don’t see any harm
To selling it cheap, I can swallow that pill,
‘cause whatever’s left over
just goes to Goodwill.
Slash that price
Slash that price
Slash that price
For that one.
