Note:  This is NOT a legitimate correspondence from ANY established institution.

Dear Mr. Miner 

            We regret to inform you that your presence will not be tolerated at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.  While your essays provided flashes of amusement in the lounge, we simply cannot permit someone of your stripe onto our campus.

            Please do not mistake us, we have nothing against you as a human being, but on other counts we have had to dismiss your application perfunctorily.  You see, since Arizona is such a minor province of California, it did not seem appropriate to permit a colonial upstart such as yourself to join the cultured cardinal ranks of the urban elite here at Stanford.

            May we suggest that you pursue your talents at a level more…appropriate to an Arizonan?  We like your oranges; they are very tasty, almost like ours.  You could grow some of those!  And copper, did we mention copper?  It makes such nice trinkets and conductors.  We have some alumni who own portions of Asarco and Phelps Dodge, perhaps they could help see you to a journeymanship.  We saw pictures of the mining trucks, they are very big and manly and we think you'd get a real kick out of them.  There are explosions, too!

            We are dubiously flattered by your interest in our fine institution, though it does raise the question of who's been talking to you.  Did you get our address off of the internet?  We may have to patch that up.  Well, we wouldn't want to wear out our leather patches with all this typing!

 
Goodbye.



Graduate Admissions Review Board

Stanford, USA

 

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